I was going through some papers while packing up for the big move. I came across something I'd come across a couple of years ago, probably when i was going through the same papers in a clean out. I'd kept it, but done nothing with it. Well, now I've done something with it, probably the worst thing a man can do with papers he finds while packing - publish them unedited on his brog. The mind reels at what this young (mid to late teens?) author was thinking. Best not go there.
This was on the reverse page, or alternately the first page.
~~~
AIRPORT
It was a normal day in New York. I was at the airport with a suitcase full of clothes in one hand and a one way ticket to Lamibia in the other. I was headed there on a basketball coaching clinic for their national team.
You see I used to coach for the Knicks: three Championship rings and 3 coach of the year awards in 5 years. I was on a roll, was being the operative word. 2 weeks after our last championship, 3 years ago, I got busted for using blood doping, human growth hormones, steroids, and panadol in illegal
~~~
There it ended. Who knows why, or where this tragic tale of hope ended up ending up? At the bottom of this page were the words:
boy – down – real
meets girl – goes up
On the reverse page was this, longer piece.
~~~
boy meets girl
I remember the day clearly now. 21st of February 1994, 3 days after my 23rd Birthday. The air was exceptionally cold but that was probably the air conditioning: I was in an airport. I was quite warm though, as for my birthday my brother gave me a duffelcoat and balaclava. The reason I was in an airport was another present – my parents + brother gave a plane ticket to Lamibia. It is a very serene place. Where foreigners are welcome. I was going for a holiday and was very excited. The 1st time on a plane ever and I was going overseas!
My plane left at 1:30pm and I was going through luggage, (not literally) I mean the luggage department and I had 2 carry-on bags. I never give the airline my luggage because I once won fifty million dollars in the lottery and had it in my luggage, in the form of gold bullion and it was “misplaced”. I suspect an airport employee that I didn’t tip burned the bag in vengeance. I never got a cent back.
Anyway I was passing through the metal detector when I got a beep. “That’s strange” I thought. “Please pass through machine again” the woman with the hand-metal detector said with an interesting accent. I passed through again. “Interesting accent” I said. She smiled at me, showing all her bottom teeth. “Interesting smile” I said, but just as the smile disappeared I said I was joking. She said “quit the B-S and double talk and hand over the knife. Or do you have a gun?” “I’m unarmed” I proclaimed. She ran the mini-metal detector around my body in a way that must have aroused us both. She finally pinpointed my front shirt pocket. I emptied it to which she replied “Aha! Metal nodules. I’m terribly sorry for the delay Sir, perhaps you’d like extra refreshments when it comes to afternoon tea. Here, this card entitles the bearer to 12 free peanuts. The peanut is the national food of Lamibia”
“Really?” I said, “I s’pose it’s your job to know those juicy tidbits of information”
“No – I just come from Lamibia”
~~~
Assuming I actually wrote these, they could be the finest words to have ever rolled out the ball of my pen.
A.J. Ogilvy? C'mon! This is the kind of name I’d come up with as a joke with friends. And here is the fine specimen, fresh from the mean streets of Sydney (I wonder if I've ever walked past him, or dominated him in a game of street ball?). More than a passing resemblance to Milo Kerrigan, wouldn't you say?
