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Seven's Summer of tennis! Proudly brought to you by Marbig Expanding Folders: Expand your folder, expand your mind...

Sandy Roberts: Welcome to Melbourne Park for day one of the Marbig Australian Open, the first grand slam of the year! I'm Sandy Roberts and I'm joined by Johanna Griggs and Bruce McAvaney. Johanna, how good is this?

Johanna Griggs: I know Sandy, the atmosphere here is brilliant! The crowds have really come out in full force - we seem to break a new attendance record every year, Bruce.

Bruce McAvaney: [to Griggs] I'm not aware of that statistic, Johanna, but if it were true that would be wonderful. [to camera] Yes, it's marvellous to be here. And what a lineup we have in store for you today, starting with World Number Two Rafael Nadal, up against Australia's own Mark Woodforde.

SR: Yes, Mark only just made his shock announcement that he's returning to the tour for one more year to pay for his lavish lifestyle. Do you give him a shot, Griggsy?

JG: I can't see him winning a point, let alone any games. But it's a real credit to new tournament director Renae Stubbs to give him a wildcard, in the complete absence of any promising Aussie youngsters.

BM: Next up on centre court we have comeback mum extraordinaire, Kim Clijsters, up against some Slavic woman whose name I'd only butcher, so I'll leave it there.

SR: And of course, we'll be going round the grounds throughout the day with Kylie Gillies, starting now - Kylie, how are you?

Kylie Gillies: I'm fantastic everyone, and I don't know about you, but I'm still in shock at Bernard Tomic winning the Sydney International - in the ladies singles. [awkward pause] Well obviously there's nothing to report yet, no games having started. But I have just heard that umpire Julio Brillas is making his way from the bathroom to centre court now for our first matchup.

[cut to John Alexander in the tunnel, microphone in one hand and election pamphlets in the other. Julio pauses and says hello, putting his clipboard down to focus on the interview. JA ignores him, looking down the tunnel for some sign of Nadal or Woodforde. Julio leans into the mic and starts to speak, but JA disdainfully pulls it away. Julio heads onto court and Rafael Nadal appears]

John Alexander: Well Rafa, happy memories for you here.

Rafael Nadal: Yes, I play very good last year, was amazing for me here in Melbourne. I hope this year I can do something.

JA: Like win.

RN: Yes.

JA: One thing the people of Bennelong have been asking me, has Rafa Nadal recovered from the injuries that plagued you last year?

RN: Bene..? Benelon? What is this?

JA: Bennelong, it's a Sydney electorate I'm standing in -

RN: You standing here in front of me now.

JA: - yes, at the next election.... Look, obviously we wish you the best of luck against Mark Woodforde today. [Nadal has perplexed look on his face]

RN: Mark Woodforde? I thought he retire?

JA: Yes, he's back on the tour because... Anyway, would it be too much to ask to get a "Vote for JA"?

RN: [looking into camera, suddenly very serious] I love the people of Australia very, very much. [walks off to court]

JA: Well, there you have it Sandy. Rafa looking to start 2010 with a bang.

SR: And here comes someone looking to start 2010 the way he started 1996, Mark Woodforde!

JA: Mark, welcome back, how are you feeling?

Mark Woodforde: Pretty good, pretty hungry.

JA: The fire's back?

MW: No, I slept in this morning and didn't have time for breakfast.

JA: Mark, a lot's changed on the tour since you retired, how do you think you'll cope?

MW: Look, I think with the new racquet technologies I should be able to add 5 to 7 km/hr to my first serve... probably no change to the second serve. And with the stricter penalties for linesman abuse, that should play right into my hands, I've always been pretty disciplined in that area.

JA: Can I get a "Vote for JA"?

MW: I'm actually treasurer for the Yogic Flying Party, although I occasionally swing to the Nats. Sorry, JA.

JA: [whispering under breath] What a nutter.

MW: [angry] What's that?

JA: Had a flutter, yes, I put some money on you to ... er ... win at least one game for the match. Best of luck! [Woodforde walks off to the roar of the home crowd on centre court. Fade to add break]

Those three little words: I love happy new year

Floorboards. Overheard children's story words. Repeated.

Empty cups, full stomachs, the food part and the liquor part.

Cord unplugged, standby not used.

Posture, bad posture.

The glory of multiple basketball plays, the smile the inner serenity. The fear it faded too quickly.

The rapidly accelerating daughter, the lovely lovely wife. What's the derivative of the derivative of acceleration and what does it feel like?

Boom boom dadada. Childrens' songs, falsely placed apostrophes.

Unlimited band name ideas.

The joy of holiday, the revival of happy normalcy, the fear of loss. The fear of returning.

How many readings?