Poor Stuart was in a conundrum. He was widely acknowledged as a leading critic, someone capable of devastating insight and reviews that rivalled or surpassed the work reviewed as an act of creation.
Yet here he sat, pants around his ankles, boot polish smeared all over his pet goose Retief, his 1991 It's The Hits compilation cassette being chewed up by the player - unable to produce any kind of intelligent response to the book that sat wedged between the manifold folds of his sweaty, cheesy dewlap.
He pressed on.
"Olaf Sundquist's Why I Shaved My Nuts is a singular work that defies description."
No, that won't do. By saying it defies description I've described it somewhat. And calling it singular says more about me than the work... Oh God, help me now!
I need to own this book, to call it by its true name, to place it where it lives and bring the world there to see it as it really is.
In a mad dash for inspiration, he picked up the phone and began blowing the harmonica solo from Stairway To Heaven.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Research shows link between intelligence and exercise
Researchers at the Poky Brown School of Hurtingness in Little Altamont, Queensland, have discovered a link between intelligence and exercise.
The findings mean that people wanting to increase their intelligence should exercise more. Conversely, the people who want to increase their exercise should be more intelligent.
Lead researcher Father Shane McElribster said "these results are pretty good, aren't they? Would you like to join us for dinner?" His assistant Dr Lisa Leslie, formerly of the WNBA franchise the Washington Mystics, explained further.
"We took a plastic donut, a pecan nut, a dead rat and former World Bank chief James Wolfensohn, and we ran them through a battery of physical and intelligence tests. The pecan nut came out on top in all of them, although only after the judges dismissed a late complaint by Wolfensohn."
Fellow exercise researcher Yukio Schneiderbrett of Harvard Law School admitted the research looks promising. "It's a really nice result, probably most of all due to the simple and elegant experimental design."
For the rest of us, we can rest easy that there is no link between exercise and intelligence.
Yours truly,
Editor Sarah Walton
The findings mean that people wanting to increase their intelligence should exercise more. Conversely, the people who want to increase their exercise should be more intelligent.
Lead researcher Father Shane McElribster said "these results are pretty good, aren't they? Would you like to join us for dinner?" His assistant Dr Lisa Leslie, formerly of the WNBA franchise the Washington Mystics, explained further.
"We took a plastic donut, a pecan nut, a dead rat and former World Bank chief James Wolfensohn, and we ran them through a battery of physical and intelligence tests. The pecan nut came out on top in all of them, although only after the judges dismissed a late complaint by Wolfensohn."
Fellow exercise researcher Yukio Schneiderbrett of Harvard Law School admitted the research looks promising. "It's a really nice result, probably most of all due to the simple and elegant experimental design."
For the rest of us, we can rest easy that there is no link between exercise and intelligence.
Yours truly,
Editor Sarah Walton
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