Blowout

Most people don't know that the original title of Fellini's Blow Up was actually Blowout - he'd been watching a lot of daytime TV at the time and was inspired by these two simple words. It was only when he tried to register the trademark in English that he was sued for copyright infringement by the creators of Burners, Blowouts and Boobs. Poor Fellini.

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I was walking along Stanmore Rd the other day when I heard a plastic metal tinkle. I looked around and - lo and behold - there was a two dollar coin, ending its roll and coming to a stop, but not before doing that immensely satisfying increasing frequency half roll on the spot thing. Man, I love that sound. Well I looked around and I'll be damned if there was no one else around. There were a few cars passing by but I didn't believe for a second that the coin had emerged from one of them. It was one of those curious things that might have gotten some people thinking, might have gotten them freaked out even. Well not me. I picked up the little sucker and walked home.

A week later, also coming home from goddamned work, I noticed a shiny golden metal shine on the footpath. I bent over, exposing my buttcrack, and picked it up. I remembered those cruel people who glue coins to the ground and watch as others pathetically try to pick them up. Now I knew something funny was afoot. I stayed perched down there for half a second and then did a big squirm and spin around. Someone had shoved something into my butt crack. There was a couple of guys walking in the other direction that must have done it, but why the hell I'd no idea. I felt in and pulled out another two dollar coin. That was three in a week, and two in a few seconds.

I think you know where this is going, but before you get ahead of yourself, let me fill you in on a little secret. I once stole a seal from the zoo - double bagged it and walked right out. Well I'm just itching to tell you more about what happened next, but that'll have to wait for another day.