I can't believe it, but I have to. Some time between Friday night and today (Sunday morning) someone stole my bicycle - Selby, I called her - from our foyer. I stupidly hadn't chained her - pretty much the first time - but she still should have been protected by a locked front door. I am working through the seven stages of grief and right now I'm going through sadness. Poor Selby. There's also a little rage left over, though that's mostly subsided. It got me thinking, if there was some way I could leave a message to the thief - putting a note up on our building, or on our street, or on every telegraph pole in enmore - what could I say to make them feel bad? Or uncomfortable? Or to turn them off ever touching Selby again? Or to make me feel better? Or should I come to terms with it and stop the wheel of karma? When I suggested this to my wife she thoughtfully noted that I don't believe in karma. Sigh.
Possible messages
- i hate you i hate you i hate you
- i often rode Selby bareback and i have a bum disease
- i love you and last night i fantasised about you
- a witch doctor has cursed the bike and whoever rides it now
- i got so angry when i found the bike was stolen that i beat up some innocent people, including my loved ones
- if you plan on selling Selby, you're getting ripped off if you get any less than $400
- i forgive you
- you, your children and your children's children are banned from enmore! for three months.
- i'll see you next week eating the pudding
- you have 48 hours to return Selby before bombing commences
- if you wanna get involved, next week we gon' help the unemployed
- i know who you are, where you live, and what your insecurities are
- Selby likes to be taken out just before dusk, she needs attention several times a week, and go easy on her gears, they've had a tough life.
- the combination to the lock you also stole is 6362
- do you know who i am?
- smile - you're on candid camera
- your a looser
- you'll regret the day you ever messed with me. raaarrgh!
- i never got a bell for Selby but it was my dream to get her one of those honking clowny type ones. it would mean a lot to me if you helped me realise this dream.
- enjoy her, you lucky s.o.b.
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7 comments:
what about
"I am really hurt by your mean spiritedness and I now have no faith in humanity you piece of doggy doo."
i just thought of another one
- i work in climate change policy and because of your actions, i will now see to it that no effective response to climate change ever happens
"may selby rot your crotch"
I was so looking forward to introducing my new steed to Selby on our return to the homeland. I am moved by the thought that they shall never bump wheels.
I feel your pain bro. To quote a wise man, 'you crossed the line, your nuts are mine'
MV
that man was wise indeed. i too thought of you and your steed, MV. can you remember what model and make Selby was?
this may now be a redundant comment but I believe (the now fully returned) Selby is a Trek 4300 or 4700. Am glad that such good fortune has followed your bad fortune, neighbours aside.MV
oh, it's far from redundant. far, far, far. htime
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