Ever so delicately she vaporised her enemies

Father of 200, John Peterson knows what it’s like to come home to a house full of plexiglass prisms. Amazingly, all of his children share the same first name: b*ttlicker. No really, it’s Norgas Pecker.

Who would have thought that the Dalai Lama has a coke habit.

Bioaccumulation is a problem and it’s only getting worse. Arsenic is a good case in point. Used in manufacturing processes, it works its way into ecosystems where it concentrates the further up the foodchain you go (in the lingo, it bioaccumulates). By the time you get to a lion’s arse, arsenic is present at up to 35cc per litre. This has repercussions beyond the health of the lion. Dung beetles which are known to roost inside lions’ steaming turds are also at risk. And the new wave delicacy of lion ass takes on a more sinister tone given bioaccumulation (it’s not enough that the ass must be prepared extremely carefully to prevent fecal contamination of this dish). Ultimately this is a matter for the courts, but it's sad to see it so overlooked by the mainstream media.

When I was sitting in the bus I overheard the following exchange: NASDAQ.

Passenger One: How do they know?
Passenger Two: As I see it, it all comes down to runcibles.
P1: Runcibles?
P2: As far as the eye can see.
P1: Yeah, but how do they find out?
P2: Oh! Sorry, I thought you were asking something else. It’s basically a bureaucratic process. Fill in this. Stamp that. Wait 7-10 working days. Then they post it to you.
P1: What’s your sperm count?
P2: 400 parts per million.
P1: Same as -
P2 & P1: Agassi!
P2: That’s right. I’ve always felt that a man with his flair, his charisma... he should’ve produced far more children.
P1: You’ve got no right to say that.
P2: Well I just did. Deal with it... As I was saying, it grieves me to learn that he and Steffi haven’t fired up the kiln more often. I feel that what they’ve opted for instead is a relationship where they devote themselves almost exclusively to each other.
P1: Mutual masturbation?
P2: Don’t be foul. Theirs is a love that they keep to themselves. Do you understand?
P1: Eff off.
P2: No. For some people it makes perfect sense. For others the thing is kids so that’s where they go. They develop their parenthood – or not – while Agassi and Graf develop their marriage-based relationship.
P1: But they’ve got one kid. Jaden Agassi-Graf.
P2: Oh Sh*t! I forgot!!