Who's got hand?

Did you hear the bizarre story of the little Chinese saboteur at the women’s World Cup?

You know how at major sporting events the players are often escorted onto the field hand in hand with a bunch of cute kids, selected from the host nation’s most prestigious kindergartens? They send a message of world peace and love for children.

So this little girl, God knows who’d gotten to her, had a noxious substance on the palm of her hand. If you think you know where this is going, think again. The victim wasn’t the player being escorted by the little girl. It was the other team. You see the substance was faithfully transmitted to palm of the Brasilian goal keeper, but went from there onto the palms of every single US player as the goalkeeper shook hands with them! Think of it as an en masse stinkpalm.

And it caused havoc.

Apropos of nothing, I’ve often wondered what goalkeepers are shouting to their teammates as they line up to defend a free kick. “Hey! HEEYY!!!” I’d say that’s about it.