Made From Off Local Pineapple

A new aggressive hip hop song (*incomplete)

ah yeah (hell yeah)
that's right muthafuckiz
here we go

uncertainty
can you handle it?
uncertainty
can you deal with it?
uncertainty
can you live with it?
uncertainty
you gotta live with it

~~

The One Minute Thousandaire
The for sale book about how to make thousands of dollars!

it goes like this
i'm going to let you in on a secret
there is no secret - that's the secret!
you too can make thousands - over time
here are the ways, and i won't even get into all the amazing things you can do with your thousands
way the first, someone gives it to you. it may be a gift, an inheritance, a prize. you now have at least $1000!
another way, you get a job. if you earn $8 an hour, you only need work 125 hours to earn $1000 gross! some people do that in two weeks!! even allowing for tax, you can earn this much in 4-6 weeks or less. now if you earn $600/hour, you will have $1000 in under two hours, depending
on your tax rate.
the last way is to steal it, you may steal an item you then sell for thousands of dollars, or you may just steal the cash.
think about these simple words for a minute, and when you're enjoying your thousands feel free to pay a small mental tribute, by way of a recommendation of this for sale book to me.
enjoy and go get 'em!

~~

A popular children's rhyme

Little Jinky Marsen
Goes into her school
It's a living nightmare
Her parents send her back

~~

Laughing therapy

A news item about self help groups where people congregate in a park, form a circle and laugh, hysterically where possible. Shot ends with man in group laughing hysterically. Cut to news reader, who chuckles, then to co-anchor, who also chuckles, then to man sitting on couch at home watching news, who chuckles, then to man sitting next to him, bound and gagged, who tries to muster a chuckle, then to police officer hiding behind couch, who chuckles, then stands up and shoots the unbound man, then chuckles, cut to bound man, who again tries to muster a chuckle.

~~

Hi Bertha,

hope the day's been good to you. Perhaps you found five cents in the gutter, received a promotion, or made eye contact with that guy from the office you want to bang.

I am writing about your request for data. I am able to comply with it, in fact this letter is a contribution to the fulfilment of your requirements.

I have attached the data, but would first like to make a few points.

The data is quite sound overall, but there are some quality issues. I might as well come out and say it: trust. I caught some of the data organising events with some of my friends and they never even bothered to invite me. I also loaned one of them a fiver and am yet to see it.

I should explain also a couple of abbreviations: sname stands for station name, but that's pretty obvious. pval stands for p value, whatever that is. something about stats and stuff. also, and i just found this out, but QANTAS stands for Queensland And Northern Territory Air Service.

Finally there are a few conditions attached to the use of it. Any publications arising from its use should acknowledge Werber, Benson et al 2010 (full reference attached). Each time you open it, you are required to raise your hands towards the ceiling, shake them around a bit and say "praise, praise be to Werber, Benson et al!". Also if you delete the data at some point, a few words about Werber, Benson et al would be appreciated. I can send you a sample Vale if you like.

Great to hear from you, and I look forward to spending much more time with my family soon, not that you're really interested in that.

Love,
Werber

ps What's your name again?

~~

Haiku

warrimoo my house
everything is still, quiet
fuckin sweet as


~~
iiri

Now, if I recall incorrectly, the Prime Minister has promised to provide extensive health and life insurance for our nation's numbats, quokkas and bandicoots. I ask you, in this economic climate, can we really justify such outlandish expenditures? And even if we grant the desirability of this measure, how can we possibily implement it? Several leading insurers and reinsurers have privately expressed doubt that the proposal, as it currently stands, is practical. I have also commissioned ABARE research which shows that this measure will yield minimal productivity returns for Australia, and have almost no impact on employment.